If you think three cancelled dates in a row (one of which being a straight up stand up) is the peak of how terrible dating can get, you would be sadly mistaken my friend.
FOUR IN A ROW!
There has to be some sort of laws of statistics that says that the fourth guy after three cancellations will show up for a post work drink, right? Right???
Luckily there's a liquor store conveniently located right next to my T stop and they just get me.
Who needs a boyfriend when you can take grainy iPhone selfies with the bottle of Pinot Grigio that just became your date for the evening?
As a disclaimer, this guy also offered to reschedule to Saturday - sooo I think that means we're still in love?
Good news is that tonight I'm supposed to be going on my rescheduled date with my Tuesday cancellation. We're meeting in the center of Davis Square and then picking a place to grab a drink after that.
Though I haven't heard from him since what we'll call "Incident #3" so I'm at a 34% confidence level that he'll show. There's a reaaallll chance I end up standing alone in the rain in the center of Davis Square, at which point I may just give up and lie down there for awhile. If you happen to be in the area at the time don't be concerned, it's all part of the healing process.
It's finally happened. I've finally received the email of all online dating emails - I wrangled myself a poet!
Without any prompting this fine young gentleman kindly "liked" one of my photos (thankya kindly) and then immediately after sent me a two page love note. This may be the pinnacle of my online dating career friends:
"I'm originally from Northern Portugal, from a city almost seven hundred years older than this beautiful country we live in... I still have a place in my name there... In truth, I will always maintain a place there... my very essence is part of that soil, my blood is to rich in its people, language, and culture to be completely distilled of it...Yet, long has it been since I was just of one true place... Like a second mother, one can say, " Lady Liberty, held me to her heart... And whispered into my ear...awoke/opened my eyes to promise, dreams, and hopes... Only now I can truly appreciate..." "If it matters which in these days it tends too...to most, I'm stocky of body...kind of Celtic in figure since my real father's side is from Northern Portugal and The Provence of Galicia in Spain...My body is made for the cold and mountain like terrain...in truth if you strap a plow on me, I'm a pretty decent work mule...I'm strong enough and ((( awkward facial expression ))) stubborn enough not to give up on the task at hand...though Latin by birth I tan like a true Irishman..."
He just gets me, you know?
Pros:
1. I can see his teeth in photos
2. Vacation home opportunity?
3. True love
Cons:
1. I prefer when guys ignore me for as long as possible until I have a panic attack that they hate me and will never message me again. That's how I know I really like someone and I feel like this charming young man will be far too accessible.
2. I don't understand mules...donkey + horse = boyfriend material?
3. See number 1.
Soooo it may not work out between us but I've gotta say that I at least admire his passion and pursuit of finding "the one". I just feel like my intense sarcasm and his love of life aren't gonna mesh well. Bonus is that he's really set the bar for my date tomorrow night to succeed without much effort - way to go team!
In other news
In lieu of my cancelled date last night KRo and I decided to treat ourselves to "The Fault in Our Stars". Popcorn, wine nips (shhh), a fresh pack of tissues, Sour Patch Kids, an epic stomach ache from all the junk food, and a good cry is just what the doctor ordered.
And let me tell you what...it. was. so. good! If you haven't read the book yet - read it. (And then rush to theaters to go see the movie) It's short enough you can whip through it in a couple of days and the story is incredibly sweet and touching - definitely a great summer read. If my dating tales are depressing this will restore your faith in true love.
So let's jump right into it! Here are two brief stories of some of my online dating all stars so far:
Cat Man!
This fine young man spilled beer on me twice, probably hasn't brushed his teeth in over a year (watch out for closed mouth smile pictures ladies!), and regaled me with a story about how his cat often sh*ts in his sink because "you know how cats just sh*t everywhere"...ummm no, no I do not.
Highlight of the date: running into a coworker and trying to pretend like I've never seen Cat Man before in my life. You only get an introduction if you know your way around a toothbrush yo. Sorry not sorry.
"Be Well"
Agreed to meet up with a seemingly accomplished gentleman working as a consultant in the financial district. All signs point to a potential winner amiright?
Well we spent the majority of our get together debating the validity of Birkenstocks as a fashion statement (he's pro because he's also super into Bikram yoga and anti sugar.......) and how much he hates Paula Dean "I hope she dies from DIabetes...hahaha get it??". He ended the date with a "Be well" wish...what are you my Walgreens pharmacist? As an added bonus I proceeded to have an allergic reaction to nuts that same evening and my face swelled up like plastic surgery gone horribly wrong. So no, I will not "be well" sir.
On another high note, the date I had lined up for tonight has unfortunately had to cancel. We've reached a new level of dating in which I don't even have to meet them for them to bail on me!
I kid, I kid. This potential suitor has offered to rechedule so hopefully I'll have the pleasure of his company later in the week because now he's gotta get in line behind my Thursday night date (it's a numbers game out there and I'm all about improving my stats).
Disclaimer: I've had two different dates "reschedule" so far in my always graceful online career and both times I've been bailed on (more on that later) so I'm thinking we start taking bets on whether I actually meet "Tuesday"...I'm at a cautiously optimistic 83% chance that he makes an appearance. Thoughts?
Based on several requests and how much I missed writing I'm going to start trying to dedicate more time to this little blog of mine and stop blaming long work hours on my neglect of this thing.
Plus, there has recently been some good material to work with: I became single, I briefly thought I found an all star replacement which crashed and burned like woah, and then I begrudgingly decided to jump into the online dating world. And let me tell you what, it is gruesome out there.
At first I was embarrassed to admit I had joined the masses online but the more I do it, the better the stories seem to get. So I figured what the heck, I'll embrace it and share the madness with you ('you' being my three friends and parents who read this haha)
Currently enrolled in:
OKCupid
Match.com
Aggressive? Maybe. Time consuming? For sure. Enjoyable? 25% of the time. Hilarious? Always.
So far I've probably had about 5-6 dates and yes, I'm still single. It is survival of the fittest out there so buckle up and prepare for some terror as you join me on my attempts to not die alone (along with some more of my usual posts about shenanigans and flea markets I regularly attend)!
Now that I work upstairs from a mall I often
find myself wandering through stores during my lunch breaks. This has proven to
be a real test of my self control because J. Crew and Free People are
my kryptonite.
On one of my most recent wanderings a sales
woman (who was EXCELLENT at her job) almost talked me into a $400 Barbour coat.
I've been eyeing that Barbour pretty on a couple
of my favorite bloggers recently and her "it's so warm" pitch
nearly had me pulling out the ole credit card. Sadly I have no business
spending that much on a coat no matter how much I love it and I left empty
handed. (Till next time J. Crew sales lady! I'll be the girl shopping the
sales section.)
I've been jones-ing for a new coat ever since
though SO what's a girl to do but spend what some might call too much time
researching some more affordable alternatives.
While none are the perfect Barbour, I'm quickly
falling in love with these too. If it's going to insist on being so cold out, I
might as well look cute while shivering - ya know?
Get This: 1. Curator Coat from Madewell2. Field Parka
from Madewell
3. Factory Skirted Dress Coat from J.Crew Factory4. Parka with
Hood from Zara
Several months ago we bought a Groupon for Paint Nite and then promptly forgot about it. Thankfully KRo is the responsible one and got us all organized and booked our artistic adventure just before the expiration date.
Three cheers for KRo!
Without her we would've never recognized our true calling...artists.
And if you think these aren't being proudly displayed at Club Belmont you are sadly mistaken. They may be too big for the fridge but I'm certain we can find some barren wall space begging for our masterpieces.
I highly recommend this to all my lady friends out there looking for a good activity night. Painting + adult beverages = artistic genius.
My new work environment is much more upbeat. And now that my desk isn't drowning in a sea of papers I thought it'd be the perfect chance to make it an organized, peaceful space. If I'm going to be spending 9+ hours a day there it might as well be filled with things I love. To the internet machine! A couple of these have already found a home in my cube but I'm taking the slow and steady approach to sprucing up my space.
I'm now in my third year of residence at Club Belmont and I really love my apartment.
We have an awesome location, a killer place, and all six of us get along freakishly well...all the makings of a perfect living environment. That is, until our new upstairs neighbors moved in in September and made us want to wage a full on, passive aggressive war against them.
These hood rats throw parties all weekend, every weekend. I can appreciate a good party but when it sounds like you may just be rolling your refrigerator around upstairs because you've been enjoying adult beverages since 8 in the morning we have problems.
Not wanting to call in a noise complaint yet we (KRo and I) decided the next logical option was to leave them this:
I think it says "you're the worst" in a fun, artistic sort of way. Because I'm about two parties away from being elderly and knocking a broom handle against our ceiling.
My walks home from work are usually uneventful and filled with phone calls to my parents or singing along a little to loudly with my earbuds. But tonight the world decided to throw me a curve ball and thank me for all the crime dramas I marathon.
Because tonight I avoided a possible abduction! Orrrr a man was just creepily yelling at me from his van.
Either way, here's how it went down: a man in a black paneled van pulled up...
Paneled vans are always a warning sign
And started yelling "Hey! You don't have to walk if you don't want to! I'll drive you!"
To which I responded with my usual nervous laughter and continued walking. "Come on! I'm rich!"
Nope. Noooo thank you sir. All signs are pointing to that being a bold faced lie and I just want to get to my couch.
And to my couch I ran and immediately started typing up this harrowing tale.
At the end of it all was there ever any real danger of an abduction? Probably not. But was it super creepy and something I'm going to tell everyone I come into contact with? Abso-freaking-lutely.
Most importantly, it validated my fascination with crime dramas because I've seen this episode of Criminal Minds my friend and I know how to ward you off.
And that's my "I-haven't-blogged-in-awhile-cus-my-new-job's-intense" story.
Two days, one leafy crown, and a label maker later and I'm officially a Blogshop graduate!
I feel like I learned more in one weekend from Bri and Angela than I ever did in the semester long Photoshop class I took in college. Spending a weekend with them and all the other creative ladies who dragged their Macbooks to Williamsburg was beyond inspirational. I found myself geeking out every 10 minutes when more and more Photoshop capabilities were revealed with a lot of "THAT'S how you do that?!?" moments.
I have pages and pages of notes and all I want to do now is practice my new skills all.day.long. (sadly the man insists I work a 9-5) so let's just say changes to this little blog o' mine are coming!
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